Obituaries

Speeches, descriptions, discourses and any other type of word collection seem so short of what one can say about a person. Repeating even trivializes any content. I have no idea what medium to choose to keep alive Jaan´s memory. It is frivolous to talk about it all day long but after 4 days of his absence I cannot think of anything else, constantly, compulsively. I want to say it all, event the smallest of details. He liked and appreciated everything he had, without any shade of doubt his was the best family, home, house, wife, doctor and country, not to mention things: his pillow, his bed, his watch, his car (beyond its useful years), and everything else. This I see as a great display of generosity. He could not see a flaw on us, and judged no one. This understanding and acceptation of life as it is, of others most admirable. He was not loud, extravagant or dramatic, the very contrary, Jaan was calm, modest and elegant. He was humble but with dignity. He was brave, courageous and giving. He loved me, our children and family everyday with countless silent acts. His life and departure both were his gifts to us. He lived for us and tried to keep alive for our sake and protection while his body was so exhausted that he could barely move. The past years his strength of will supported many recoveries. Wherever he might be, I hope that he is free of burdens and pains, blessed, and happy. I hope he departed knowing for a fact that we saw the human being he was and loved him even if in a very clumsy manner. He liked the Estonian Summers, berries, the forest, collected tin cans and adds, liked golf, football, books, writing, British humor, his home, Saturdays, his old clothes, memories of childhood, Estonian programs, politics, Purtse, maps, listening to radio, rock music from the sixties, French songs, the sea, friends, beer, sauna, holding my hand, Estonian manor houses, cheese, wine, walking, seeing his family happy. I do not want to ever forget these or his reassuring presence in my past 16 years. I loved this man, and I want to feel him again next to me.
I have no idea can I continue writing anything on this blog or not. Our family has changed. I do not feel the same person. There has to be a mark or many to this time. A beautiful picture of my dearest will follow and I will see when I can bring my self to return to these activities ever againg.

Gastronauts

This is not a blog on food but well, I have to share a frequent cooking method, analogous to an old recipe by Yvonne, that most importantly, ALWAYS results in compliments.

Take any meat, add half a cup of soy sauce and 200 grams of sour cream. Put to the oven. THAT IS ALL! Did not I share this marvel earlier?

Somewhere in Tallinn, by the ports

Not a poor record

If considering that last year I made only 11 entries. I am living crazy times. At this age I want conforts, security, cozy afternoons, and serenity. Instead everything around is so hectic that I wonder if I will reach old age with any energy left to do as I please. On the other hand I am productive, I am alive.

I am also tired.

This afternoon I thought that the streets of Tallinn in non-rush hours are completely taken over by driving school cars. They specially like roundabouts and hills. 2 of the only 3 hills of this city are located between here and my work place, also the second busiest roundabout of Tallinn. There is no point in waiting for the rush hour to pass. The alternative is even worse.

Tomorrow spending a hopefully summery afternoon with Yvonne, and back to start packing, finish the PHD proposal, organize documents and plan the adventure that awaist us next week,

Sunday: more of the same, plus some hours of sleep, Monday: work, application, errands and departure. We are all off to Sweden. Tuesday: Arrival to Sweden, settling down of Juulia, preparing for Jaan and her. Tuesday Amsterdam, The Hague, Wednesday Madrid and DEALING WITH AVIANCA,

Joonas and Emil fly to Medellin.

Lonely sad Thursday. I feel it in advance. My boys will be away for 2 months.

POBRES ESPANOLES

From capitanalatriste.com

Pobre Zapatero. Que cambia para quien si deciden llamar a elecciones anticipadas? Mas de mapas:

The reality has nothing to do with our interpretation even if common signs are used to identify it. It happens all the time. I like these guys of XKCD very much. Why I did not study mathematics?

It is our second trip to Stockholm already

Experiencing:

-That teaching and learning nowadays can be as fun as one wants

-That one can be extremely lucky even in the most difficult situations
-That integrity has to be the guiding principle of all relationships or they are simply not worth maintaining
-That one of the busiest metro stations in the world is Stockholm central at any time in the day
-That many Muslim women who cover dutifully their heads have no trouble wearing shorts+unflattering leggings that expose every inch of their "textured" legs, sending confusing messages about their interest in keeping such customs
-That more than 50% of the people that I have met in the streets of this city seem to have come from places of the world other than Europe
-That trust is more important and effective in dealing with others than fear and suspicion. People usually respond to trust by caring to preserve it
-That I have very little time left to read all there is to be read and do all that I have wanted to do and procrastinated about

-That mass consumption of information and mainstream thinking turn into the mass-murdering of independent ideas and creative living

-That children must be let to "live" their ways so we can also live ours, in peace, when they reach an age when we can no longer control them
-That delegation is fine -LIBERATING-, even if results are far from perfect
-That gardening is rewarding and addictive
-That flowers adorn better than jewellery
-That the smell of the most expensive perfumes stink if to compare it with the natural aroma of fresh flowers and/or clean, sun bathed laundry
-That beauty is ruined with the mask of make up
-That when one learns how to enjoy the small gifts of life half of it is already gone.

Moved to tears

A woodsign by scaredycatprimitives

I was very wrong and I just understood it. I am very grateful for this. Some hope returns and along some energy.

Tao?

Image found in the blog of brazillagorilla

Satisfaction is so seldom found in activities other than giving, helping or contributing. So clear for me, why such an alien notions for most?

LOVE. The universal love is generosity, the oneness with others. I have loved.

Doris Kareva writes nice things

Have never been fan of any poetry, but now I am kind of connecting with my adolescent son´s despair and some expressions seem so nice...

Kõik, mida vajad, tuleb su juurde (Everything you need will come to you)
ühel või teisel varjatud kujul. (In one way or concealed in other)

Kui tunned ta ära, (if you recognize it)
saab ta su omaks. (It turns yours)

Kõik, mida tahad, tuleb su juurde, (Everything you want will come to you)
tunneb su ära ja saab sinu osaks. (It recognizes you and remains part of you)

Hinga, loe kümneni. (Breath, count to ten)

Hind selgub hiljem. (Its value (price?) will become clear later)

Doris Kareva

(Illustration by Oliver Jeffers, removed probably in a paranoid  raid of absurd copyright complacency . Would not be illustrating children books a fantastic occupation, anyway?)

And here one more, one of many more simple pretty thoughts:

Sa ei ole kellestki parem. (You are better than no one)
Sa ei ole kellestki halvem. (You are not worst than anyone)
Sulle on antud maailm. (The world has been given out to you)
Näe, mis seal näha. (See what is there to see)
Hoia seda, mis on (Care for what is)
su ümber, hoia, kes kõrval. (around you, who is next to you)
Kõik olendid omamoodi (All beings in their own way)
on naljakad. (are funny)

Kõik on õrnad. (All are fragile)

Doris Kareva

Apariciones

Juro que casi me choco hoy llegando al trabajo cuando vi a la senora de esta foto esperando el tranvia afuera de la universidad. Que si la viiiiiiiiiii!

Datos de copyright obvios: como no le pude tomar una foto, pues la busque en el internet.

Japon

Respuesta practicamente al instante: signalhouse; The art of James White

El mundo espera una recuperacion rapida, por que este pais es importante, valioso, comprometido, hermoso, honorable y da ejemplo de coraje y cooperacion. No hay saqueos ni fatalismo como si paso en Haiti. La disciplina de los habitantes, hasta la de los mas afectados es ejemplar. Mientras tanto a pensar en lo que hay que hacer para que los hijos puedan disfrutar del mundo como nosotros lo hemos hecho. En pocos anos las fantasticas carreteras de Europa no van a ser transitadas por las exigencias que se van a imponer respecto a los vehiculos aceptables, el consumo de energia y el costo de los combustibles. O se comienzan a usar las energias renovables o paramos de invertir en infraestructura que no se va a necesitar!

Por que sube el precio del petroleo? No es por las revueltas del mediterraneo o los conflictos del medio oriente. Todo comenzo en Tunez, que no comercializa crudo; el precio sube por que ha sido, es y seguira siendo la tendencia. El alza es una complicacion avisada. Por que hemos basado el desarrollo de nuestra civilizacion apoyandonos en energias que se agotan. Quienes tienen que ahorrar combustibles? Todos. El precio quien lo paga? Nosotros.

Developing

MAKE MISTAKES and move forward!

Lessig es un tipo razonable y con integridad intelectual

Casi todo lo que dice vale la pena escucharlo

Akne(15) AKA Emil(15)

Life with a 15 year old. To be translated, soon...

Image procured from Postimees, by his observing father.

Geddafi/Kadafi is at home

Or so it appeared in my window to the world: NHK World, with an umbrella. Was it really rainy in Tripoli or was it another sign of Geddafi/Kadafi disctinctive style? Just the same we experienced in Lombardy, rain and much rain!
Above, the mini-mini Fiat 500 o new version of the former Topolino that we could rent to go to the lakes, A view from Bergamo and a flower I am determined to plant in my garden as soon as I can figure what it is, and irressistible olives at a huge market in Brescia on Sta.Lucia´s day.

A real update, a matter of fact or the import of yet more problems into Latin America?

Illustrating the similarities. Just to clarify: they are of different age and born in distant continents.

Can Latin America swallow Venezuela identifying, protecting and patronizing a Lybian dictator with a poker face? What a mishap for the neighboring countries, I really thought Hugo could no no worse to his country and the continent. Will we see his fall also some years from now?

Y va Libia!

Cambios de regimen o de personajes, la cuestion es que la ola de oposicion productiva sigue. Ojala que Yemen no se quede atras. Todos los regimenes desesperan, y que tomen nota los que aunque alejados podrian terminar igual: Rusia, Venezuela, Corea del Norte y demas. El momento de la caida llega para todos y esos lideres intocables terminan huyendo. Por que la gente no perdona el autoritarismo nisiquiera el que conduce al progreso: Iran, Egipto, CHILE??? Que humanidad la nuestra. No se entiende. Y el multiculturalismo que no funciona, y tanto expansionismo comercial que trivializa el sufrimiento de la gran mayoria, y las cosas de todos los dias...las que parecen irrelevantes.
Y que el calentamiento global me lo explique alguien por que lo que esta pasando y siendo presentado como la via a una era glacial en Estonia es que nos despertamos a -30 grados centigrados. Las tuberias estan congeladas, hasta dejamos a Kyoko entrar en la casa...QUE LLEGUE LA PRIMAVERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
De Italia, buenos recuerdos y algunas fotos de los dias lluviosos que nos tocaron. Pronto. Mucho trabajo. Ya casi. A Estocolmo. En unos dias.

Wise steps to take ahead

HEYYYY, just a minute!

What regime now will be really democratic? Egypt without Mubarak needs too many changes so this unprecedented step would not be a waste (possible only in there, what would happen if anything like that would have taken place in Libya, Jordan, Morocco or Saudi Arabia instead? Do not they want, need or deserve the so call democracy that Egyptians claim to request?). What Venezuelans, Ecuadorians, Nicaraguans and Bolivians think about this?

Has democracy been achieved? This massive hysteria seems very scary to me, specially if after few years something like the rise of fundamentalism also takes place in that country. What will happen with the peace processes advanced with Israel?

Hopefully the very best for that country, region and people' s will follow. This is REALLY a renewal year, the one of the rabbit/cat.

Estonica

This is a good source of information about Estonia, an On-line Encyclopedia.

This is a Web-comic that I could identify with today. Oatmeal is the name of the site. Title on the post: "If you do this in an Email I will hate you:"

Agotador

Y sectario como a los que mas critica. El fundamentalista mayor, con el discurso mas poco creible de toda Espana simplemente por lo emocional y poco objetivo. No verifica ni evoluciona, no balancea su repertorio de datos, insulta, pero triztemente se siente el vengador de las causas -todas-, e injustamente descalificado. Calma! Ojala no le dieran tal relevancia, para que la polarizacion se redujera. Por que hay que ser una cosa o la otra? Es que el que no es derechista es izquierdista y por ende cabalga en las filas del comunismo y es aliado intelectual de Kim-JongII? Es Rodriguez Z. realmente el mas anomalo e incapaz de los lideres politicos que ha pasado por el gobierno espanol? A casi todos los observadores nos parece un normalisimo y predecible socialista. Liquidarlo politicamente es una tarea imposible! Este es Hermann Tertsch, a secas. Su linaje a estas alturas no importa. Describe a su pais como se imagina uno la tribu ultima neardental y todo el merito de su posicion se empobrece con esta propuesta de terminologia extremista. Como todo!

Seguimoscoleccionandoimagenesdeabsolut

Stretching the joy

Juulia made a felt brooch for me today. I wish I had the time to make beautiful things hand made jewelry like that or objects that are simply beautiful, like the pin cushions above by piece of cake felting projects. But what to do with them next? Where to keep them? How long this indie fashion of DIY and handmade artsy stuff will last?

Image by Pille from her fantastic blog nami nami. Find her recipes on the link to your right!

Mango lassi cheesecake by Heidi Park, from morning to evening. Recommended. It may be the best cheese cake I have tried so far, and the baker also prepares AREQUIPE (with all the letters) cheesecakes. Shaking off the Colombian experience is difficult! She visited and brought a bit of its flavor back with her all the way into ESTONIA! I also had luck this evening with an avocado. Very seldom I cut open one so ripe and mellow, evenly ready, delicious, we combined it daringly with rattatuille a la Jaan. the combination was really a match!

I knew it, anything with a good avocado becomes heavenly, does not it?

News. Egyptian democracy?

From the same website

The Super Bowl in USA: Distracting for fewer than suspected. The spectacle of the year, a great revenue for TV producers...Nothing else matters there. THERE. Here, plenty more is taking place.

The newly discovered relevance of an otherwise confused constituency in Egypt? People need to have a say, but democracy is NOT THE RULE OF THE MOB. It is also fallacious to think that the popular will struggles for the general welfare. Mobs are emotional and polluted by distress and desperation. Objectivity is absent from their claims. Democracy in this country will not be created with an act or two. The process that this requires must follow the established rules, the procedural justice, what the emotional discourse of socialists from far Europe do not consider, the rule of law, the basic doctrine of their staple/favorite system: democracy. However none thinks about alternatives, and much less about the consequences of the Egyptian irrational -even if justified- widespread hysteria. Looking a step or two ahead would be much more responsible that claiming an abstract and detached support for this uprising.

Why no journalist asks one of the demonstrators -or several of them- what do they want? What are their expectations? Beyond the stereotypical and thoughtless chant-like answer: "Mubarak out and fuck America," they have NOTHING to say. They do not know.

And who says that every country would be better off becoming democratic? Is not this something that the same constituency must figure on its own?

Distraida/Too distracted to be able to work

What is in a Greek yogurt that the others cannot match? Unavailable in Estonia...

Hoy sigo en las nubes ahora pensando en un yogurt griego con higos y melocotones, ademas de miel y exracto de vainilla....

Can't concentrate in anything else but rich creamy, fatty Greek yogurt (like creme fraiche) with caramelized figs (self made), peaches or apricots and honey. Vanilla extract would also help adding flavor to this craving.

Being European

Seems to signify that by default, a person needs to be anti American. I find the attitude difficult to understand. Public and categoric statements about detesting the American culture and people or lifestyle in TV, by journalists and politicians have to sound inappropriate to any person with a little bit of perspective and multicultural training. Pilar Boyero, for example, maybe (?) a great singer, but nothing else. In the thinking she should be no leader. I could barely assign any worth to her many many comments during a recent broadcast in the Extremadura channel on satelite TV. If I were in charge of her image, my recommendation would be to talk more intelligently -or to stick to singing copla-

Now that in NY smoking is being prohibited in the parks and beaches, most media personalities use the opportunity to expose the topical opinions, the cliches and criticism about excessive control (Excess regulation they speak from the paradigmatic region of the complicated procedures, The EU!). Can't anybody see the merit of prohibiting cigarette buds contaminating the environment, impregnated in nicotine that every toddler finds and sucks while parents sunbathe during the Summer months? I applaud the message although regret that people have to be told something so common sensical: Cigarette buds are polluting, dangerous, gross, and should be disposed of properly. In Estonia I have had evil thoughts about those who care little for their beautiful beaches as well. So many leave their 2 lt plastic bottles behind, but will we have to prohibit drinking any beverage by the sea? Interesting idea if sanctions consisted of cleaning public spaces, for free, several months in a row...Forced labor that is, but we are all forced to recycle for example. I DO SEE THE CONNECTION! :)

I was appalled by the image of downtown cafeterias and coffee bars in Madrid. Never before I went to any place where people in disregard of basic manners, threw the garbage to the floor. Any of these establishments in the capital of Spain hoarded at the time, innumerable napkins, residue of food and cigarette waste all over, except from counter and table tops.

I was the most surprised when after politely daring to ask once, Why littering was allowed? and Why not to place some bins to dispose of the trash? (the barman noticed my south American accent) the answer was: But where are you coming from? Colombia? Do not tell me that you do any better! Colombians must be much dirtier than us! What a display of talent...I was not going to try convincing this anonymous guy on that in fact this was really an authentic/indigenous Spanish habit (left from Madrid 3 years ago, maybe it all has changed). One that is difficult to get used to. However, foreigners love Spain, and I have not heard anybody claiming that they are nasty people. Why Europeans like to pick on Americans so much? Who does not have "RABO DE PAJA?"

LET'S OBJECTIFY OR AT LEAST BALANCE THAT! If there was only a bit of diversity and few anti Venezuelan, some anti Chinese, several anti North Korean. Or what about not committing so hard and definitively to anything so abstract as hating an entire culture/country? Being nice to people and working hard makes up for an empty mind. Shake off the stereotypical politic views and just live.

Dia mundial contra el cancer

Chocolates fuera del alcance de Joonas, El establo en Purtse, 2009

Comer sano, superar dificultades, relajarse simplificando la vida, tranquilidad, silencio, recato, deteccion precoz o cuidados profilacticos, hacer ejercicio, algo de buena suerte, asistencia medica profesional, terapias complementarias, apoyo, dedicacion, acompanamiento, buenos amigos, alejarse por completo del cigarrillo, y en resumen vivir una buena vida.

Casi todo posible. Aveces el cancer nos despierta del letargo de la vida comoda y el sinsentido pero no deberiamos necesitar una tragedia para vivir bien. En los ultimos anos muchas personas que conocemos y queremos han sufrido de cancer. Las historias tragicas abundan y nos hacen tambalear en la propia lucha, la de Jaan y de esta familia que ha tenido una leucemia que enfrentar. No hay victorias definitivas sino pequenos logros que tenemos que apreciar. Unos meses mas de vida, tratamientos que nos dan esperanza, aprecio por lo cotidiano, emociones renovadas, desprendimientos positivos. Hay cosas que agradecer, que sigue vivo hoy, y esperemos que por mucho tiempo, el suficiente para tener experencias gratificantes, para crear recuerdos felices.

Todos podemos vivir mejor

En los burdeles de Venecia tambien se daba de comer. Alli como tentempie se creo el famosisimo tiramisu, por los anos 50. Aqui hablamos de la receta de Emil, de cuando cocinaba (durante la adolescencia los intereses se suspenden...). Hoy les recuerdo lo facil que se hace, para endulzar este fin de semana y vivir mejor:

Huevos, azucar y mascarpone mezclados con fuerza hasta espumarlos (separadamente). 4 huevos, 200g de azucar, y 500g del queso. Homogenizar a mano. Las galletas deditos (lady fingers/savoiardi/soletillas) se remojan en cafe con licor de almendra o amaretto, al gusto, y se comienza a organizar el postre en capas. Se refrigera y se pone al servir con cacao espolvoreado por encima o chocolate en trocitos. A mi me gusta con ambos y el chocolae con naranja. Jaffa! Lo voy a hacer manana para todos, por la vida de Jaan, de Veronica, de mi papa, y todos los que con tanta dignidad han vivido esta enfermedad, y los que los hemos acompanado.

When things are not discussed early, clearly with the rigth people

Calligraphic art by Margaret Shepherd

Disputes take place. Disagreement is better than misunderstandings and what they may cause.
Conflict is not bad, it could be a great opportunity to review positions, relationships, attitudes, opinions. To transform, evolve, progress.
Constructive conflict management is a skill as useful as good reading. Sometimes the problems lie exclusively in the way people interpret signs.

Dormir en la cama de los padres

J. se fue para USA y me quedo con los ninos hasta tardisimo en la cama, Joonas se queda conmigo. Lo disfruto, ahora mas cuando comienzo a sentir que Emil va desprendiendose de todo, del "nosotros" 5, de los programas de fin de semana, de las opiniones familiares, ya no hablamos con certeza en nombre de todos. Somos Emil, y los otros 4. No crece mas, pero se independiza. Me aferro entonces a Joonas que todavia piensa solo en sus papas y en complacer a la mama siendo el nino mas bueno, mas fuerte y mas sabido del mundo, es que lo es. Febrero parece lejano y lo del transplante inefinido. La acumulacion de hierro en el higado crea un riesgo que no parecen estar dispuestos a correr en Estocolmo. Esta ha sido una historia larga de muchisimo suspenso. Continuara.

Sigo queriendo un ex/libris tipo sello y si consiguiera material esculpible y cincelitos lo haria muy simple. Aqui de navidad, como siempre llegaron muchos libros mas, para J. por ejemplo, SNOW COUNTRY. Hermoso, japones, famoso, elegante.

Fotos, los hijos comiendo muchisimo, sabado en la cocina de la casa. Cerdo, papas con crema, queso y brocoli, torta de chocolate, galletas de avena y morcilla estonia de navidad con repollo agrio.